Guys are weird. Sure women exhibit some strange behaviors from time to time – mainly involving beauty tools that resemble medieval torture devices or our propensity to over-analyze everything – but guys, too, have their own freakishly odd yet charming gender-specific quirks if you observe them closely. You know, like primates at the zoo. Here are a few of my favorites:
Because you only have to do laundry half as often if you wear ‘em twice as long.
Grunting while lifting weights
We get it: “Big. Strong. Man.” (Grr.) Next time I’m at the salon enduring a 3-hour highlight, I’m going to let out a barbarian-like wail when I bend over to pick up another copy of US Weekly.
Not using a washcloth
You know, for a gender that is terrified of dropping the soap, you’d think they would use a less risky route to cleanliness – although let’s not look the gift horse in the mouth, shall we? Statistical anomaly: Men who prefer the poof.
The handshake hug
Women hug. Men can’t be seen doing such things. The result: The handshake/pull-it-on-in-for-the-good-stuff move. I’ve tried this with some of my guy friends, and it really just ends up with someone inadvertently touching my boobs. Hey, wait a minute…
The every-other movie seat arrangement
It’s true. In the absence of a female, men will leave an extra seat between one another in the theatre. Couples see movies together. Men just happen to be watching the same movie at the same time…in the same theatre. (Bro.)
Refusing to drink out of a straw
Next time you see a man drinking from a straw, please send me a picture. Not only do the men I know not drink out of straws, they are vehemently opposed to it. To the point where spilling a 32 ounce soda all over the floorboards of your car is way better than being seen daintily drinking from the cylinder of doom.
The butt slap
Because after all that effort to ensure and assert his masculinity, nothing says “man” like tapping another dude on the ass after he scores the game-winning point.